My life is full of dirty diapers, bottles, baby food and screaming babies. There are always toys all over the floor and weird smells in strange places. I don't get sleep at night and I never have time for me. My clothes are always dirty and I don't have time to do my hair and get ready in the morning... You know what... I LOVE IT. I love the sweet smiles and the coos and the little toys and little clothes and getting my baby boy dressed and even the drool all over me. Yes, I LOVE IT. Even the poopie diapers and spit up. That little man owns my heart.
Where is this coming from? You may ask. The other day an acquaintance said something that threw me off guard. She's said it before so, I thought, my anger was over it all... Nope. She said, "There are so many people who adopt and they shouldn't be so picky. They should be happy with who they get. They say they want children that look like them. There are so many older children out there who need homes. They don't need to get babies."
What? Let me get this right, I shouldn't want what you have naturally. I shouldn't want to have a baby that looks like me and create a family that fits together and is eternal? You can have children and they will look like you because your body works but because my body isn't working right now I shouldn't want what you get naturally? I should go straight for the older kids because...? I know they need homes. I get that. I'm more than aware. I'd love to take them in, but I'm wanting babies, too.
So, I beg you, don't judge me. Don't try to walk in my shoes when yours are filled with children you bore. Don't tell me I'm wrong because I want the very thing that everyone has without thought or fight. I love my son. I adore his sweetness and the way he completes my family. He is mine in every way but all you see is that I adopted a baby that looks like me and is... a baby. He is my all. He is my son.
Scott and I will be placing for another adoption in July(ish). I don't want to hear any negative. We are as excited for this next adoption as we were for Xander. I want healthy beautiful babies and I don't want anyone telling me I'm wrong for wanting that. I want my son to have brothers and sister. And, yes, I would love for Xander to be the oldest~ the older brother.
So, yes, I love the toys and mess, the dirty diapers and teething, the feedings and cleaning. Do you know why? Because the smiles and gabbing, the jumping and playing, the cuddling and wet kisses, the excitement when I hold out my arms to him and he jumps and squeals with delight, even those wonderful midnight feedings where it's just me and him, those are the times mothers are made and babies bond. I wouldn't give up this part of his life for anything. I need him~ maybe even more than he needs me.
